day twenty-four: let us both show up today


I'm not afraid of flying -- though I am afraid of roller coasters -- and todays flight felt like a never ending coaster. My stomach kept dropping and I was pushing my cuticles back. I didn't realize what I was doing until I looked down and saw blood forming on the skin where my cuticle used to be. I placed my fingers against the droplets and could feel my heart pounding through my hand.

It wasn't fear of flying or even the strange amount of turbulence for a short fifty minute flight that was making me nervous. It was where I was going, the place my plane was whisking me away to.

I was headed to a bloggers conference and I was terrified.

I've never really gone to a conference as an attendee. My sister and dad run conferences each year and I love them, but I'm used to seeing it be planned and transformed from nothing to something really great. An attendee feels scary. Unsafe. No place to hide behind.

But here I am. With whooshing feelings of inadequacy and un-enoughness, here I am. With a very small and a not very brave yes, here I am. With my smallness evident to all who looks my way, here I am.

Where will you show up today?


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This is day twenty-four. You can find the rest of this series right here.

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