Today I am welcoming one of my favourite friends to the blog. Meet Sarah Roessner -- a girl with a beautiful heart and a captivating spirit, who has taught me more than I can tell you and has been there for me more times than I can count. Sarah's twenty-three, exceptionally good at cooking and choosing the best restaurants, a self admitted food network junkie and the best listener you'll ever know. She loves Jesus and people. And she believes in hope. I'm honoured and thrilled to welcome her here today!
by Sarah Roessner
“You don’t stop fighting just because you are losing.”Jeanette Walls, The Silver Star
People will tell you to fight. People will say it’s hard. People will rarely speak of losing your battles.
Everyday I attempt to feel like I am “enough”. Most days I fail miserably. I sink into this cloud of depravity and self hate. I convince myself no one could possibly love or value me. I sink into that comfortable pain, and I let it linger. I let it stay.
I wrote a short poem about a month ago about the pain I feel and it is entitled, "How I Deal".
“I can only draw you a crudely sketched map of the scars that cover my heart. Sometimes they lay on the surface and promise not to hurt me. They promised. So I let them lie. I let them stay. I let them seep. I let them consume me. They become too powerful and that pain seems to drain every inch of self worth I claim to have. It’s absorbing into me. Like the waters in an unsettling storms, the waves of deep anger seem to crash over me. They promised not to hurt me. They promised. I lay here exhausted from pain, exhausted from myself. Exhausted from the battles I have to fight every night. They promised.”
An allusive trap I get lured into everyday is that I believe what others say about me. I believe what they say is true. Which some would say (those who know me) “Oh that’s great, you’re good at so much..." Which in theory is true.
I can build an empire out of what people think of me.
Words can also devour that kingdom, and bring me to my knees. I have been told I am not smart. I have been told that I am not pretty, that I am weird, that I am less because I am a girl, that I am angry, that I am nothing.
These words can dictate me on a day to day basis. Some of these words I tell myself because that’s what I see. I hate it, but I allow it to take the wheel.
But some days I choose to fight back. On those days I can truly grasp that God created me to be significant in this world, that I am beautiful, that I am smart, that I am capable, that I am a leader, that I am enough. Those days are so blissful and sweet. I want to cradle them forever.
Don’t stop fighting because you’re losing.
I lose about 70 percent of the time; however that doesn’t mean I stop fighting.
I am able to keep fighting because I have a constant reminder of Christ’s blood that poured out because he KNEW I was worth it, He KNEW I was valuable, He KNEW I was good enough. I am able to do this because of my friends, my family, and my boyfriend who constantly remind me of the truths about my identity. I am able because God has blessed me with the ability to be apart of Hashtag Hope Ministries that allows me to tell others of their true and constant value.
There’s a point to all of this and it's to learn to love you.
This is day twenty. You can find the rest of this series right here.
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