day twenty-one: I'll try and stop running away now


I'm an escape artist. And not to brag or anything, but I'm a good one. It took me awhile to realize what I was doing was actually escaping, because I wasn't doing anything that would be considered harmful.

I escaped by watching movies and reading books. 

It began after the initial diagnosis of my mom, when I was exhausted of crying. I turned on a movie and got lost in it. There's a romance in getting lost in someone else's story for awhile.

But then I began to get addicted to it. I knew I could run away for two or more hours, that I could hide from the pain that I felt. And even after my mom started to get better, I still hid. I hid from feeling unenough, hid from feeling without purpose, hid from feeling sad. I turned on a movie, or opened a novel and I ran away.

I'll try and stop running away now.

I'll try and confront when I feel sad or lonely or inadequate.

I'll try and fight for myself, like my friend Sarah tells me.

I'll try and love myself even when I don't think I'm worth loving.

I'll try and believe that Jesus thinks I'm valuable and important.

I'll try and stop running away.

I hope maybe you will too. line1

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This is day twenty-one. You can find the rest of this series right here.

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